Darica Paula, 2014

One In A Million

posted on Saturday, January 11, 2014 @ 10:58 AM

Posted May 4, 2012

Flashing back my life 8 years ago..

It was a typical grade school setting-- some classmates went out and stayed at the corridor while the teachers were yet to notice them; some went in groups and formed circles at random spots of the classroom; some surrendered their heads on somewhere flat to sleep; some just kept quiet and got bored. I was one of those who allowed thoughts to illuminate such a boring moment.

As I drew my eyes off to the typical classroom scenario, the classroom windows flashed me God's aerial creations: perfectly curved clouds, sun rays that weren't bright as much, tamed weather and birds that flew across our school. The scenery brought me out of reality with a puff of smoke and gave my mind to wander somewhere far from what my eyes could ever endure.

I was a horizontally-challenged star section drop-out. I found myself lacking to be actually identified as
"beautiful". No boy would ever be mistaken of making his self as my lover. And, that idea indirectly told me I would never ever end up with someone I wanted for myself.

Standing, at least, 5'10", possesses a manly physique, and fair in color. My imagination started to outline the facade of someone considered ideal. Academically-inclined, basketball enthusiast, acoustic guitar player and singer. As I went on with the qualifications, I realized, "he" became more incomprehensible for me. It was just a daydream after all, why should I stop anyway? I wanted someone quiet, mysterious and snob. Someone who is faithful-- as a grade schooler, "faithful" meant me as someone who waited for me at the school entrance no matter how late I was, snatched my bag and brought it to my classroom for me no matter how heavy it was or how far his classroom was from ours. I wanted someone who had time for us after classes had ended-- staying at the high school quadrangle and killed time by just sitting before each other. And when the clock stroke 3, he would pick up my bag and his, as well, and would head to the parking lot and unload our bags in our school service. When our service would drop me off at our gate, he would give me a goodbye stare that meant something no one in the bus would understand other than the two of us. Then, at night after all the homework and school-related stuff were finished in good faith, he would text me saying sweet nothings, making my night a real good night.

Yes, he was indeed ideal. He's the guy all girls would run after for. The guy who would settle for no girl but of his kind. In short, I found someone ideal who would settle for somebody I could never be.

***

As my life unfolds, His plans unleashes as well. Now, I am bolder enough, not to requalify who my ideal man is, but share about someone I never imagined I could ask for myself.

He stands few inches shorter than my minimum requirement, possesses less of that manly physique, "moreno" in color. Yes, he is academically-inclined, occasional basketball enthusiast, acoustic guitar non-player and singer wannabe. He's someone quiet, selectively disclosive, and amiable.

Faithful.

He may not be someone who waits for me at the entrance no matter how late I am but surely fetches me at home for me not to be late. He may not be someone who snatches my bag and bring it to the classroom but he's someone who gently just offers his help because he knows he can't carry both our bags all at once just to brag off his masculinity. He may not be someone who shares time with me after school at the quadrangle, but he's someone who makes time for me no matter how impossible for him to find one. He may not be able to give me that kind of stare that exclusively communicates but he wraps the Earth into his eyes and gives me the world with just a blink of my eye. And at night, he may not be sending too sweet nothings before I go to sleep. In fact, he may send sad sentiments about us, allowing to cry myself to sleep. The next morning, dried tears remind me how lucky I am to still have him in my life after all.

It's funny how I, as a grade schooler, was able to humanize someone fictional. But it's funnier is how I, as a grown up lady, can't even imagine someone who actually lives somewhere out there.

Before I made my decision of answering him, I took time to ponder on things I needed to consider. There was this time when his real self was made known to me. He's easily angered and I hate it! For me, it might be the best time to give up and offer nothing deeper than friendship instead. It seemed to me that he was arrogant for me. I even reminded myself that he might get worse when things are too comfortable between the two of us. Since then, I was really cautious about the moves he made. However, time proves I lived with a false belief. He leaves me in awe with his big acts. When we started being as a couple, I thought, everything will be held consistent-- nothing extraordinary. The longer we have been together, the more I feel being courted. Mom even told me I am a princess when he is with me. Everyday is better than the last! He always makes me feel he loves me, so much that I never have to doubt about it. When I am at my worst, he still appreciates me and believes that I am at my best. He doesn't give up on me and I understand if he will. He understands myself more than I do. You know, this is so big that turning this into words would make it smaller than it actually is.

When I get mad, the next day he's already knocking on our gate with the intent of fixing what is due. When I find myself alone in the middle of Manila or wherever, he's just a text away to save me no matter how far or busy he is at the moment. Whenever I'm off to somewhere I'm not really familiar with, he researches the places and tell me where and what to ride. All these conclude his actions alone speak more than words can ever communicate.

Well, there is a growing number of reasons why I love him, so many that, now, I can't even answer why I do.