Darica Paula, 2014

Only Time Can Heal

posted on Saturday, January 11, 2014 @ 11:22 AM

This time, I am going to break my blog’s mantra of being a happy place. Well, it’s still acceptable to be in pain every once in a while. In fact, there was a line from a book of happiness, which I unfortunately forget the title to quote this from, that says the same thing so just people can appreciate to be happy again.
Anyways, here goes my “stupid” argument. I’ve been hurt. Others see my drama as a non-issue to start with. But, to me, it never was. It doesn’t basically boil down to being lied to but I guess, doing something against my seemingly little favor is a different story. I already had given justifiable disclaimers about what would seriously break my heart into fine pieces. And recently, someone just did it. There came my flaming logic of calling it so unfair.

Just so people know, I have been trying to be the best person I can be at all given circumstances. I make sure I am holding a good balance of emotions and logic at making decisions. I try to seek for
win-win situations to work it best. In short, I. Have. Been. Faithfully. Fair.

And now, this is what I get.

Sorry. If only the intent of saying sorry turned out to be the opportunity cost rather than the choice, things wouldn’t be bitter pills for me to swallow. I hate to remind myself of how painful I had to go through sometime in my life. It reminds me of more than being lied to, more than being cheated..

..it reminds me how I deserve to be left behind. That nobody will end up saying to himself that “she (me) is enough.”

I always go through this phase. And in all fairness, this is the only thing that has not strengthened me over the years. I always find myself beside the mark. It pushes me down the drain, melting all that I have struggled redeeming to be whole again. I have always been insecure for not being physically for someone I see myself marrying in the future. And it sucks to know that that someone finds more pleasure to be with anybody else than me. I sometimes wish, I am part of that someone’s circle so when he needs me, he doesn’t have to call me anymore. Because I am just there. Already.

I hate to soak myself into the idea (and “truth” as I clearly see it) that peole leave me not because I ain’t enough but because somebody else’s there instead.

Now, I am back to turning to Him and ask for a quick pat on my back, at least, for continue dancing even if I have both left feet. I am also in the process of blowing off this pain from my system and convince myself that one day, someone will walk into my life and genuinely say to himself: "She (me) has always been enough.”

..and someone who can seriously tell himself right now, “I am the one she’s talking about.”