Darica Paula, 2014

Yesterday I Turned Twenty Two

posted on Saturday, January 11, 2014 @ 11:06 AM

Posted March 31, 2013

Before anything else, I want to apologize for being one of the millions who have been consistently inconsistent at blogging. Yes, I have the luxury of time and keep it rolling into my hands back and forth. But, I haven't been doing something productive or nice, at least, out of it recently. Now, with these words shuffling in my head right now, I think, it's best to finally weave them altogether.

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Like what everyone knows about yesterday, it's my birthday. 22nd birthday, to clear. And yes, this is one of the years when my age isn't yet humiliating to disclose. Thus, take advantage. For most of you, you know I am young, innocent, and possibly, careless. At some point, I can't disagree because I can't deny it to myself either. Tonight, I'm giving away free access cards to the mind and heart of someone who just turned 22.

Okay, how it is to be 22?

I posted that probing question yet honestly, I myself don't know how to encapsulate all the necessary aspects of my life into this single blog post. Perhaps, there are a lot I need to share right now. Though, some of them, I know I should not.

One year ago, I marched out from college. It felt so liberating that I was already free from my 2 decades worth of intellectual imprisonment. A mandatory call that several times in my life, I wished I could escape from. Yesterday, I turned twenty two - the perfect start to turn tables around. Stepping up, I call it. I never call myself a geek or anything similar to this but, there's this something in me, though I'm not sure of yet, that urges me to pursue further studies some time in the future. Yes, call me crazy if you want to for pushing myself back into the pit. I am fully aware that it's going to be a self-inflicted risk; something, I may blame no one but myself of doing. It's going to be a responsibility. Be it huge or... No, it's going to be huge either way. But, I am pushing through against all odds.

A month of 3rd quarter last year, I landed a job at my dream company. I thought all along that life was going to be ideal, which somehow I comprehended back from college lectures. First week at work and the corporate world, so I say, slapped me hard in the face telling me I was freaking wrong!!! Yes, emphasis on exclamation points. The so-called "real world" was really real. The word "ideal" in my mind just melted out and left me figuring out how to freeze it back again. At the back of my mind, that "real world" wasn't the "real world" I knew back in college. It wasn't what it should be. It's a huge chunk of SHIT! Figuratively speaking, people spit on me as if I was a trash bin. There were people who treated me like I was a non-living thing. They throw me to places I had never been to, all alone; leaving me with nothing in my pockets. How unfair that was? Yesterday, I turned twenty two - the perfect start to finally brave the waves. If before, I allowed people to push me around, this time, it's my time to get up and soar high. I'm going to mold the strength I have into battle shields. I am now my faith's own sword smith, shaping it clean and sharp. Now, I am going to leave for battles well-equipped with the essentials to winning. And I know, after my next battle, I'm going to reign supreme!

Same time frame above, I started earning my own money. From then on, I could support my own personal needs and somehow, set aside something for my future. Thanks to mom for a great job! I believed in the power of savings, aside from the piggy banks I had back then. I knew I can go places by diligently saving money regularly. Yesterday, I turned twenty two - the perfect start to let money work for me. I am going to plant seeds, faithfully water them every single day until they become trees. Those trees will continuously bear fruits for me in seasons, ensuring my financial security intact despite the government's gluttony of money.

All these years, I have been living my life with this concrete spontaneity. To me, whatever floats the boat has always been fine. No issues on that, really. I have lived my life consistent with the lives in my circle. It's adaptation, or may be a bandwagon. It's a puppet show where everyone's stringed onto the wooden sticks. It's where everyone feels safe and sound. And I have thought, people were right. Having lived this life, I realized, this ain't mine. This is no one's, in fact. I have lived in false fate, with all others. Yesterday, I turned twenty two - the perfect start to paint my face red when everyone has painted blue. I'm going to rescue myself from this. I am the oil in the sea. I am going to move in all directions the way I want to. I'm going to fly with my pink wings against the fluffy clouds and not going to be afraid of turbulence. This is the person beyond my skin, my flesh and my bones. I am going to be none other than my real self.

For quite a while, I had been so self-less at giving that I didn't notice myself being emptied slowly. I have loved and lost, which made me loathe love itself. I have ignored it just as it has taken away life from me. At one point, I even tore the pages that spoke love from the books on my hands. It hurt me that's why I hated it back! The pain crept in so deeply that it made breathing a complicated chore. Love drowned me in the middle of nowhere. It stabbed me countless times until I broke down. Every bit of a memory's so lethal that it killed my own person. Even if I ran away. Aversion has been my primary emotion because maybe I bled more than I should have had. Or maybe simply because I have been afraid to love again. Yesterday, I turned twenty two - the perfect start to revive my heart. After all, if love wasn't meant to hurt, what kind of love that'd be? I'm never going to give up on love again even if it fails me over and over and over. I can resort to crying anyway. I'm going to stand up for someone even if I know I am the only one standing. I'm going to stitch back my broken heart and let it heal. I'm going to take that leap of faith at all cost. And most importantly, I'm never going to be afraid to love again like I used to.

I guess, I can call it my fair share. So you, when are you going to turn twenty two?