Darica Paula, 2014

Now

posted on Wednesday, April 2, 2014 @ 9:28 AM

(Source: http://notsalmon.com/)

It has been a while that I've been waking up every morning at my own comfortable time, not having to worry about how terrible morning traffic is and how it also is later that night. It has been a while since I last felt the pressure on my shoulders trying to keep up to the dynamics of the industry I'm in. It has been a while since I had hair falls out of stress and depression (but hey, isn't that good news?) You're now building the correct picture in your heads now how I practically feel every single day. For the past days, I've been all over Metro Manila for interviews but I always find myself taking a step back. I admit I have set my bars high from the start and since then, I didn't allow myself to settle less than that.

Everyone is consistently bursting my bubbles, slapping my face with reality checks but I still rise again with new set of same bubbles. They're telling me that my list doesn't hold any possibility, at least, at this point in time. They always say to start from the rock bottom is the better way to climb the corporate ladder (and more humble too). I get what they wish they can say right to my face without me being hurt. I get it that for them, I am unreasonably ambitious. To be honest, that hits me deep. But still, my beliefs remain intact.

Who said I disapprove to start from the simplest role? Who said I believe in myself a little too much for wanting more? In fact, that's the exact track I see myself taking. It just boils down to whose floor I am starting with. In my case now, I know, I am figuratively jumping into a mezzanine.

Yes, it is a risk.

I am risking my chance to gain experience and new learning now. I'm risking money I can get from my salary and other allowances. More importantly, I'm risking my time for being idle and waiting for a big thing to be received. But to tell you honestly, we are looking from different sets of lenses. That isn't what practicality or being wise, to me, is about. I've captured an entirely different photograph.

I gamble now because to me it's wiser to take risks now when they are still less riskier. It's wiser to play the game now while I still can; when no life is yet dependent on me; when my failures can affect no one but me, in all possible ways; when decision-making is relatively easy. I'm risking now the chance to learn from people in the industry but, to me, it's wiser to gain wisdom now from failing over and over and struggling from a shaking spirit. For me, it's wiser to ground my beliefs on sturdy foundations, fill in gray areas, bridge gaps within myself. Basically, to me, it's wiser to make myself whole and complete first before anything else. I'm risking the money I should have brought straight to my savings account but, to me, it's wiser to know how to play the money's game. It's wiser to know what and what not to do with money given all these. Lastly, I'm risking my time being idle for an uncertain time being but, again to me, it's wiser to do it now while time is still on my side. I do it now for if I change minds sooner or later, I can still recover; that, nothing much is lost now comparing to what will be lost if I risk in the future.

For I know all these challenges shall be put down one after another one day. And on that day, my dreams being dreams have come to an end. My dreams have materialized more wonderfully than how I see it in my mind. My dreams are my fate, my destiny - whether I like it or I love it. And I will thank myself for risking bravely and wisely and..

..for risking now.